


Magical Avengers

by MiniRaven



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky and Clint are bros, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Magical Girls, Not a Crossover, Well maybe a little, a very old weebo, enjoy the fic, even Thor and Bruce know what's up, lots of references, much more than usual, please keep your arms and legs inside at all times, steve is lost, the author is a weebo, the author watches too much anime, weebo expierence not included
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2470814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniRaven/pseuds/MiniRaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you want to make a contract?” Steve reads aloud.</p>
<p>The Avengers discuss magical girls. Steve is lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magical Avengers

**Author's Note:**

> Quick thanks to my betas jahloveangel and clear-sight for looking over this and giving me their reaction. You girls are awesome!
> 
> Also, if you have the chance, send jahloveangel a birthday message on tumblr. Her birthday was Thursday and she didn't have a good day [[link]](http://jahloveangel.tumblr.com/). Don't tell her I sent you ;)
> 
> Thanks and enjoy this short fic. (Weebo experience and knowledge not necessary to enjoy this fic, but it does make it a hella lot more fun.)

“What this?” asked Steve, picking up a white envelope with his name on the front. There was no return address, but inside was a white card with gold embossed characters on the front. Steve opened the red seal and read the inscription inside the card.

“Do you want to make a contract?” Steve reads aloud.

An arrow knocks the card out of his hand and sets the paper ablaze in flame.

Steve whirls around toward the archer. “What the hell was that for Clint?”

“Don’t touch it,” says Clint, drawing another arrow. “Don’t even breath. Don’t even think. Don’t look at it. Whatever you do, Steve, don’t touch it.”

“Going a bit over the top for some junk mail?” asked Bucky, drying his hair from the ‘after workout’ shower. Mentions of

“No,” replied Clint, not taking his eyes off the ashes for a second. “Steve got a letter asking him to make a contract.”

“What? Like a credit card contract?”

“No. Like a cute little white hell demon mascot contract.”

Bucky turns his full attention to Steve. “Please tell me you didn’t agree to it.”

“No, I didn’t have time!” Steve insisted. “Clint knocked the darn thing out of my hands before I could even think of a reply.”

“Good,” said Clint, relaxing slightly. “Then we won’t have to deal with [Charlotte going all Mami on your ass](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKx3d_RlGnI).”

“What are you even talking about?” asked Steve, lost more in the future babble than he usually was.

“Why Mami?” asked Bucky, clearly understanding the reference.

“You know,” said Clint, impaling a similar white letter to the wall. “Mami’s got a nice rack and so does Steve.”

“I what?”

“Yeah, but getting her head bitten off. How do you relate that to Steve? If anyone should be Mami, it should be me. I lost my freaking arm!”

Clint rolled his eyes as he burned the paper. “You’re not cool enough to be Mami.”

“Okay then,” challenged Bucky, getting ready for a smack down. “Who would you be then Clint?”

Clint grinned. “[Homura](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S09mEDCqSx4) of course.”

It was Bucky’s turn to roll his eyes. “She works with guns, you work with arrows. How do you get from Homura to you?”

“She’s a badass who wears purple. What more can you ask for?”

“How about time travel?” Bucky asked, pounding his chest to get the point across.

Clint groans. “Fine, who do you think I should be Barns?”

“[Mew Mew Mint](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG-FY95lHRw),” said Bucky with an evil smile. “Both of you work with arrows and have bird motifs.”

“Fuck you Barns,” said Clint. “I don’t do tutus. At least give me the credit to be Sailor Mars.”

Bucky considers the thought for a moment. “Okay,” he says, finding a similar envelope in his own pile of junk mail. “I’ll give you that.”

“What are you talking about?” asked a confused Nat, walking into the common quarters.

“I honestly have no idea,” replied Steve, still lost. He tried searching the names on his Starkphone, but Clint and Bucky were rattling off names so quickly, it was hard for Google to keep up.

“Nat! What magical girl would I be?” asked Clint. Steve quickly typed the term into his phone.

Natasha went to the fridge, and pulled out a bottle of water before answering. “[Earth Maiden Arjuna](http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140609022246/voiceacting/images/f/f6/Earth_Maiden_Arjuna.jpg).”

Bucky and Clint made an exaggerated show of disproval. “Fuck you Nat! I’m nothing like Captain Planet and teenage angst’s love child. Just for that, I’m giving you [Princess Kraehe](http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120610165938/princesstutu/images/d/d7/Princess.Tutu.Wallpaper.51579.jpg).”

“Is Princess Kreahe even a magical girl?” asked Bucky, similarly mutilating his white letter.

“She has a transformation sequence, so yes, it counts,” chided Clint.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Not even close Clint. I’m nothing like an emotionally compromised girl under the Florence nightingale effect. I’m more like [Ikuto](http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090926152710/shugochara/images/b/b3/Character_Transformation_-_Black_Lynx.JPG) than Kraehe, even if we both have ballet in common.”

“The magical cat boy?” asked Bucky, searching through the other Avenger’s mail. “Are you sure?”

Natasha shrugs with a smile. “Let’s just say he speaks to me on a spiritual level.”

“What are thoust discussing?” asked Thor, sauntering into the room, cape billowing out behind him like the magical girl he was.

“[Sailor Jupiter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_JaEXEpsbs),” both Clint and Bucky said in unison. Natasha hummed in agreement, as she sipped her water.

Steve shook his head. “Thor, I thought I knew, and now I don’t.”

“We’re discussing what magical girls we could be.”

“Ah! An admirable attempt. I too agree that Sailor Jupiter and I would be a match in battle. Have you given Steve one yet?”

Steve hung his head. Just when he thought he understood the future, something new like this came up. He was surrounded by crazy people.

“What do you think big guy?”

Thor was silent as the considered the dilemma. “The brave warrior [Utena](http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110629191601/utena/images/1/16/Utena.jpg) comes to mind as a suitable warrior to Steve’s caliber.”

Clint laughed. “You mean the lesbian!”

“You have a problem with lesbians?” Natasha fingers danced dangerously near a pocket.

“No,” said Clint, not meaning offense, but explaining so he wouldn’t get his nuts tied up in a bear trap. “But if we’re going to go that route, might as well pin Steve as [Sakura ](http://d75822.medialib.glogster.com/media/51/5114acfebd8f70d2787e680922d6ee978ee1d0ca45ebea4c562c0c3a2c1709ab/tomoyo-and-sakura3.jpg)and Tony as his Tomoya.”

“Please don’t ship me without my permission.”

“Oh please, it’s almost canon. Tomoya makes stuff for Sakura. Tony makes stuff for you. This shit almost writes itself.”

“What writes itself?” asked Bruce trailing behind a sleep deprived Tony as they resurfaced from the lab.

Bucky nudged Clint and handed him a couple white envelope. “[Alice Seno](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5c/Alice19th.jpg/230px-Alice19th.jpg)?”

“Really? I was thinking more of Sailor Saturn,” replied Clint, setting the papers ablaze.

“What about Fuu?” asked Thor. “I may not have knowledge of many current series, but color and character for Fuu are strikingly similar to our Dr. Banner.”

“Point to Thor,” declared Natasha.

“What’s going on?” asked Bruce, looking around the room thoroughly confused.

“Apparently, magical girls,” replied Steve as he tried to quickly read Google results.

“What? Like [Pretty Cure](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/it/a/a5/Pretty_Cure_All_Stars_DX_2.jpg).”

“Seriously?” asked a stunned Steve. “You live how many years in rural, out of the way, villages, and even you are able to keep up with this conversation?”

Bruce shrugged. “They had second hand toys and figures in Taiwan and China.”

“Unbelievable.”

Bruce rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Actually, Pretty Cure is as far as my knowledge goes. It’s a pretty standard show, so I wouldn’t be able to place most of you if I wanted to. Tony, I wouldn’t even know where to start with him.”

“Who says what about me?” asked a decaffeinated Tony.

“What do you think Nat?” asked Clint with a grin as he destroyed another envelope without thought. “The great Tony Stark as a magical girl.”

Natasha took a moment to consider. “[The Galactic Pretty Boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5NTMFraP2Y).”

Clint and Bucky burst out laughed in agreement, clutching their sides with the amount of perfection.

“I don’t know what that is, but I agree,” said Tony, sipping his coffee.

“You have no idea, how fucking perfect that is,” said Clint between tears of joy. “I’ll have to show you sometime Stark. Hips like those don’t lie.”

Tony blinked in confusion. The coffee was working its way through his system, but nothing being said was making any more sense than before the drink. “You’re saying words that I don’t understand. I never not understand. I don’t like not understanding.”

“Finally! Someone else who is just as clueless as me,” Steve rejoiced. Google was proving to be helpful, but even a search engine could provide limited information with so little context.

“Careful Cap, we might just have to report your lack of knowledge of magical girls to Director [Garterbelt](http://i1.minus.com/ibajEIbFckW8uj.jpg).”

Natasha’s head whipped around so quickly, Steve thought it would fall off. “You did not just compare Fury to an immortal BSDM priest.”

BSDM and magical girls? Oh god. No briefing could prepare him enough for this amount of insanity. And this was coming from someone who fought monsters and aliens on almost a daily basis.

“Yeah, so?” Clint asked, with the biggest ‘shit eating’ grin Steve had ever seen. “Who else would I compare him to?”

“Not him,” murmured Natasha. “Wilson might fit the description for Garterbelt, but not Fury.”

“Oh yeah,” said Clint sarcastically. “And I bet you think [Panty](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaB-_rN9i8k) would be perfect for Steve.”

Steve flushed. Him and ‘panties’? This was getting away from the realm of ‘okay’ very fast.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Panty is much too scandalous for Steve. Cutie Honey would be a better match. You weren’t there to hear the nickname Wilson gave him. Captain Small Ass, or Little Ass, or something like that.”

“Natasha! They don’t need to know about that!”

“Oh, that I definitely did need to know. Thank you for that little bit of info Natalia,” said Bucky, now with his own ‘shit eating’ grin.

“What’s this?” asked Tony, picking up a white envelope with his name written in gold embossed letters.

All smiles disappeared. “Tony don’t-”

“Too late,” Tony said, opening the thing with a solid rip.

At the same time, the sky outside darkened and ominous sounds echoed around the city.

“[ _Magical_](http://cdn.myanimelist.net/images/manga/3/84385.jpg),” the haunting voices murmured.

“ _Magical. Magical. Magical._ ”

“Oh no you fucking don’t!” Clint hoped down from his perch and off toward the weapons room. “Avengers Assemble!”

“But wait, that’s-”

“Doesn’t matter Rogers,” said Bucky as the tested his arm. “Don’t think about the cute and creepy girls falling out of the sky. Just focus on breaking their wands.”

“And whatever you do,” Clint said over the intercom. “Don’t talk to or help out any cute looking critters. Also, don’t open any books. Shoot first, ask questions later.”

 

* * *

 

**Epilogue**

“ALL RIGHT! WHO THE FUCK MADE THE FUCKING CONTRACT!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fic. If you didn't get the references, I'll try and post them in another chapter in about a week.
> 
> Challenge: How many references did you catch and what are the names? 
> 
> Feel free to leave comments or follow me on my tumbler. [[link]](http://miniblackraven.tumblr.com/)


End file.
